Awhile!

It has been awhile that I have posted something. Let us change it ;)...

She is back on her drugs. Pain, sadness, tears, alcohol, cigarettes. The whole program. She had stopped that for a little while. When she had something to distract her. It's been awhile that the distraction is gone. No goodbye, no sign, nothing.
She fell back into that black whole of non-sense. Back to her usual drugs.
She is broken inside but no one is able to see that. She is a role again. Pretending everything is alright she plays her role perfectly. Her masque is not shaking, no break. Just perfection.
But perfection does not imply happiness or satisfaction.
Tears, pain and sadness does not mean you have a sad life. It is just the fact that you have realized you have to change something in your life. To be happy again.
Burning up old pictures, deleting your texts, erasing you.

What ever you do, what ever you try to forget - the memories will rest.

Words you have said which were meant to make me smile once are like a knife in my chest now. Promises you made meant to make me happy are already broken and set my heart on fire.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts... what if...
Memories over memories... am I ready to give up?...



I do not know how it will go on but I know that I need sometime for myself. Just me. Trying to get a hold on my life again. It seems like it is slipping out of my fingers right now. ...