Thinking about what was last year she sat down. She'd changed a lot. Last year she hated smoking or drinking much alcohol. Yeah, she wasn't the same girl. She became braver and more self confident. People who don't know her think she's arrogant and unemotional. But she's not. She don't want to be broken again.
And now everything seems to fall apart again. Hasn't she told herself: never again!?
Irritated she took a drag from her cigarette.
She doesn't smoke for being cool. Smoking gives her kind of control of her thoughts and feelings. Like a blackout, a perfect movie which doesn't include mourning.
Her head starts spinning, breath out.
And now she can hear her heart beating. Feels the cold wind in her face and smells the wet grass.
Everything she has worried about is now gone.
She took a drag and finished her cigarette.
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